It would've hurt less if we didn't meet at all
by Amako-sama
Summary: soulmate au: the day you meet your soulmate, you stop seeing colors and the world is in black and white. When they die, you see colors again. / They say loving someone is worth losing sight of the colors. Sanji says it's bullshit.


Title is from Big Bang's song Haru Haru. It's ruining my life.

Here, have some ZoSan feels, because why not. Angst is good for your nerves. I can't believe I wrote this. Also, I apologize for any mistake you may find, English isn't my native language.

This thing is a gift for Plume-now, because she knows angst and I are lifelong partners and I want her to enjoy that fact.

* * *

 **o.**

Sanji had never been really excited about meeting his soulmate. He knew the bond was supposed to be something great to look forward to. He knew his soulmate would be the only person truly capable of understanding him and making him happy.

But damn, he really loved colors.

* * *

 **i. blue**

The color puzzled him. Because there were so many things attached to it in his mind, he could never say if he liked it or not. He had quickly decided that blue was too general. Sanji only thought in terms of sky blue, duke blue, cobalt blue, cerulean or light blue.

 **ii. sky blue**

The shipwreck was a blurry storm of water, screams and _absolute terror_ in his memories. The moment he woke up, however, was crystal clear. The first thing he saw was the sky. A giant unicolor canvas, devoid of clouds or birds. The definition of emptiness, staring right back at him.

He had panicked. When everything you see consist of one painfully beautiful color, you don't have many options. Sanji had firmly believed he was dead.

He had learned later on that death might have been a better option than the horrible truth of his situation. He also learned to hate the unchanging color of the sky above his head, a sword of damocles mocking him every time he looked at the sea and _hoped_.

He hated the sky fiercely, until the day he decided to cross the little island and steal the old geezer's food. Then he had met Red Leg Zeff's eyes.

Never had the blue of the sky looked so comforting.

 **iii. yellow**

He had always found Zeff's moustache to be the most ridiculous thing in East Blue. Quite possibly in the world. He had no idea how the cook managed to pull it off and look as threatening as he something did.

Sanji was glad his own stubble didn't grow very much, no matter how long he waited to shave it (he had try once, out of sheer curiosity. Two months later, he didn't even have a proper beard).

He was quite pleased with his hair, though. The strands had a unique shine under the sun and the ladies loved his bangs. He was often told that his hair reminded them of the wheat in summer, just before the harvest.

In all honestly, he had never expected to come face to face with a different kind of wheat, in the shape of a strawhat girded with a red ribbon.

 **iv. red**

He hated red with passion (which was kinda funny when you thought about it). It held to much painful memories, and not enough to be dealt with as the blue was. Blood in the water when the ship sunk. Blood on the old man's leg. Blood on his hands, the one and only time he cut himself in the kitchen. Blood everywhere when Don Krieg attacked the Baratie. Blood, blood.

Blood became a constant in his life after joining Luffy's crew. They always seemed to get injured one way or another and ended up in the infirmary, Chopper hovering over them like the big softie he was.

Strangely, he minded less than before. Maybe he was getting used to it.

Sanji knew better than to lie to himself, though. The only reason why he could bear to see red, to see _blood_ , was because now it was spilled for a reason.

Their dreams were worth a little passion.

 **v. white**

Sanji would argue till the end of the world that white was a color and there was nothing to be done about it. It just held to much meaning to be relegated as a mere achromatic ray of light.

White was the cooks' uniform at the Baratie. White was Merry's figure-head. White was the whipped cream he had learned to make for his very first dessert. White was Zoro's sword between his teeth. White was Kaya's house in Syrup Village. White just meant to much.

So why couldn't he be happy to see only black and white now?

 **vi. black**

That day, Sanji's usually spotless suit had a little gash on the sleeve. He didn't have the time to change it before the restaurant opened and he had decided to ignore it until his break.

That day, a dumb kid crashed in the Baratie's roof with a goofy grin. His first thought was that he deserved a raise for putting up with this crap. His second thought was that he wasn't being paid. His third thought went along the lines of _shitshitshitnoshitnotnowfuck_.

Because his world had suddenly turned grey.

His hair was now silver. Zeff's moustache was platinum. The stupid sky was ash gray. The gorgeous lady's hair was payne's grey, and so was her tattoo. He put on a brave face when she asked for a free meal and smiled like he always did when a woman was close to him.

At her table, a buff guy with three katanas smiled in his glass when he kept on flirting dispite her obvious disinterest. Sanji frowned when he noticed the guy's shaking hands and clenched jaw. He was obviously putting on a show for his crewmate.

He didn't have much time to think about it before everything went to hell and he had to fight to protect what he and Zeff had worked so hard to create.

Sanji didn't forget it though, and the universe had no intention of changing that.

 **vii. silver**

The universe was a cunt, sometimes. After everything was settled and he was on official member of the strawhat's pirate crew, he got to learn more about his crewmates. It started when the lady with payne's grey hair pretented to betray them. The fought against the mermen and won. He learned that Nami was much more than just a grey-haired lady and that his crew might just be what the world needed.

He learned about Usopp's girlfriend and her white house. He learned about Zoro and his white sword. He learned about Luffy, about Merry's figure-head and about this pirate life he had chosen.

Sanji never really gave a thought about which one of them was his soulmate. He had never wanted to meet them and they had taken the colors from him. He knew it wasn't Usopp, because the guy had ceased to see colors the day he had first climbed the tree next to Kaya's window.

But aside from that? It could be any of the three others. They had all arrived the same day he started seeing in black and white. Besides, Sanji didn't feel anything remotely closed to love for any of them. Sure, Nami was beautiful and Zoro could somehow, if you looked it from the right angle, pass as good-looking and Luffy had just the right set of mind to gain Sanji's respect, but...

He wasn't in love with any of them. And he wasn't about to start asking questions. That wasn't how their crew worked and he would miss the current relationship he had with his nakamas too much.

Not as much as he missed colors, though.

 **viii. green**

It happened on a rainy day. They had stopped being surprised when ships attacked them a long time ago. There was only so much you could do when your captain had that big of a bounty on his head. So when the pirate crew had boarded them, he'd untied his apron and tightened the knot of his tie.

The fight was just as exhilarating as always. He could see the grin on his nakamas' faces as they cleaned the deck of the other ship, ten pirates at a time. That was what saved his life. Too caught up on the fight, he hadn't been cautious enough and had missed the lean guy hidden behing the barrel.

When he turned to look at Zoro and yell his body count, he noticed the sun reflecting on the knife flying in his direction. He had ducked quickly, already thinking about how he would kill this guy, before hearing the thud of a body falling.

He quickly looked behind his shoulder and felt like throwing up.

Underneath the blood from the wound on the back of his skull, where the knife was embedded, Zoro's hair was green.

 **ix. brown**

The sign was old, the paint had cracked and lost its colors under the warm light of the sun. Sanji knocked twice on the heavy door before coming in. A young boy stared at him under his dark bangs. He was standing behind the counter, writing something on a piece of paper and had gone completely still when Sanji had entered.

The deal was done quickly. He had brought Wadou and his will of iron with the intimate knowledge that if this didn't work out, he had no idea how he was going to keep on living. How any of them would continue chasing their dream.

The boy couldn't be more than sixteen. Yet, he had the oldest eyes of the universe. He assured him everything would work out perfectly, because they hadn't waited too long to come (it had taken them two weeks to track down the kid with the devil's fruit and get there and they hadn't stop believing). Sanji merely nodded and honored his side of the contract.

When he came back to the ship, breathless and grippind Wadou with everything he had left, he was met with the hopeful look on his crewmates' faces.

His smile was tired, but real.

 **x. grey**

Zoro had yelled. A lot. When he was done yelling, he punched him in the face. Before his cheek could start to bruise, he was pulled in a crushing hug that he returned fiercely.

He had given up half of his lifetime in exchenge for half of Zoro's. They had no idea of knowing how long they had left. Pirates weren't expected to live old, and half of that wasn't much. But it was still better than nothing at all.

Sanji's world was back to black and white. The sea was as grey as it had ever been. So were the sky, Luffy's hat, Nami's hair and Usopp's skin. He didn't care.

Zoro's hair was the most beautiful grey he had ever seen.


End file.
